his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
