Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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