Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
a search helicopter?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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