that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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