Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize