Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
