and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
