i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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