She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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