and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize