We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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