if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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