I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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