I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
