yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
