Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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