I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i dont even know how to be here
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
