we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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