nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Farmville is her only friend.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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