I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
