hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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