lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
