oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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