PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
