Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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