I cockslap morals
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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