After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
