sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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