I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
