very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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