Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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