i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
