One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
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my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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