I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
