oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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