Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
