he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
