Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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