Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
