I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
