I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize