Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
