I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
