Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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