come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
