every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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