I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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