you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
