I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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