I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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