I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
