Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
