I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
