I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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