She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
