Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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