Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
