it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
