I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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