Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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