maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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