Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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