I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize