holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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