I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im part way to drunk.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
