That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
