I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He better not be in your backpack
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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